December 2015 Post Archive - London Counselling Practice Limited Blog

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Our latest article has been published in the Chiswick Herald, please click here. Or read it below:

Wishing you all a very mindful Christmas

 
 
 
When I was thinking about what to write for this column I decided to search the internet for “mental health news and Christmas”. The search results displayed many features on how to manage stress over the festive period and I felt discouraged. It seems that Christmas and the New Year are often only really considered for the struggles they bring rather than the potential for reflection, contemplation, love, fun, connection, relaxation and self expression. What did catch my eye though were the many references to Mindfulness and through the website for the Mental Health Foundation I came across an online training course in Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is something I know quite a lot about having started meditating nearly twenty years ago and have always found the more mindful based practices the most helpful. I have also enjoyed retreats and trainings to develop my practice and yet it is at times when I could most benefit from mindfulness that I can so easily end up doing other, arguably less helpful things with my time. And this Christmas is a difficult one for me, it is a year on since the death of someone very important to me and so naturally, as the anniversary comes closer, then I find myself experiencing difficult emotions and thoughts. My body is also showing me that it is a hard time, a cold, tense neck and shoulders muscles a few headaches and occasional sore tummy. So now really is the time for me to be particularly kind to myself and to call upon my mindfulness practice - yet the turbulence I am experiencing also makes this hard to do. I think this explains why this online training has attracted my attention and so I’ve decided that for the next few columns I am going to take the training and then share the experience.

The background information from the provider of this training, a website called www.bemindfulonline.org, states research conducted by Oxford University published in the BMJ (British Medical Journal) reported 58% reductions in anxiety, 57% in depression and 40% in stress; so I feel excited and hopeful thinking about getting started. If you sign up you get free access to a short introductory video from the two Trainers Ed and Tessa. Watching this I find the trainers very reassuring, with what they say resonating easily with my experience of mindfulness. And I find I am really warming to this as an approach to learning, you can take this at your own speed.

Next is a short video introducing a pre-training test. In this Ed explains it will benchmark how you are experiencing and relating to stress to allow for comparison at the end of the course. Taking the test, I recognise the questions that are widely used to form generic tests for stress, anxiety and depression. As I complete the tests I am struck by how the last two weeks have been particularly hard for me and I am again drawn back to thoughts around the events and memories from the run up to my bereavement last year. A further video from Tessa acts to again reassure but also encourage continuing with the course. At this point though the free introductory element comes to an end and a fee of £60 needs to be paid before you can continue. I’m feeling curious so I find it easy to make the payment.

It feels good to be getting properly started and the first exercise is one I’ve done before - they call it mindful eating. What really strikes me is how distracted I am, how hard it is to focus and my awareness of this I find reassuring. I’m already starting to gain a sense of empowerment, I’m thinking I’m on to something that is really going to help me at this time. Pressing the play button again Ed and Tessa now introduce the tasks for week one. Again they are exercises I’ve done before but in hearing what I will be doing I start to feel more relaxed. I’m thinking it is as though I am being allowed to slow down, to go at my own speed. It is a bit like having someone who really really trust ask you what you want to do and then to have them give you reassurance that you really do know best!

So what will I be doing each day for the next week? The tasks are as follows firstly to eat a meal mindfully, secondly choose a daily task for the mindful treatment - mine will be cleaning my teeth and lastly a thirty minute guided mindfulness relaxation. It is going to be a busy time over the next week as I prepare for the Christmas break so I’m going to need a bit of will power. By the next time I write I will be able to tell you how it has been and what exercises were introduced for the second week. In the meantime from all of us here at Nicholas Rose and Associates we wish you all the very best for a mindful and enjoyable Christmas and New Year.
 

Read all posts by Nicholas Rose Posted by: Nicholas Rose on December 19th, 2015 @ 09:06 AM
Tagged with: anxiety chiswick herald counselling london psychotherapist mindfulness psychologist psychology psychotherapy

 
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The latest edition of the Chiswick Herald includes this new article helping with the common concern people often have about how to talk and therefore help a friend or relative who is struggling with mental health concerns. Read it here:

How to talk to someone who is really struggling….
 
The Mental Health Charity Mind quotes research that 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year. So its no wonder that in working as a psychotherapist people often seek my advice when they are concerned about a friend or, family member. In response to this I always ask “Do you believe offering your time and attention will not be helpful - that you won’t be able to think together about a way forward?”
 
Often I hear the problems appear so big and complicated there is a sense of not being able to help and people can be feeling fearful that anything they might try to do and say could make things worse. It is natural to experience such a response because it is likely the person you are concerned about is thinking and feeling this way too. At this point many people become nervous that they are not equipped to help, particularly if words come up like suicidal, crazy, murderous, out of control, psychopathic or any of a whole range powerful words or the many psychiatric terms that are becoming so widely used nowadays. So it can be useful to recognise that actually you are already developing a good understanding of what is happening for them and that this means you are already able to help. 
 
These thoughts and feelings are most likely coming from a place of isolation, loneliness and desperation and the most effective way to start dealing with things is not to panic but to see if you have understood correctly. Do this by asking something like “I am wondering whether you are thinking the problems are too big and complicated, things can only get worse and you are feeling isolated, lonely and desperate?”
 
In doing this you will already be helping with the feelings of isolation and loneliness and your willingness to ask questions will already be challenging the feeling of desperation. Now start to consider whether either of you might be struggling to talk freely. One of the most frequently given reasons people give for choosing to talk to a therapist is they don’t need to worry about what impact sharing their problems will have on either the other person or that relationship. So if you think that the conversation isn’t flowing freely then ask. You can then both think about whether there is someone else who it would be easier to talk to. 
 
If you both decide to carry on talking then the next thing is to ask for as much information as possible. If suicide has been raised ask about it - “you have been thinking about suicide? what have you been thinking of doing? what has stopped you?” It is likely that the conversation will move onto the underlying problems but if not then maybe this is the time to talk to them about taking more immediate action. Again, Mind’s website suggests what action to take. 
 
Assuming you both feel it’s proving helpful to talk then you can think through together the basis of the concerns. Consider questions like what is going on? What if anything has changed? Why might the concern have become apparent now? What has been tried to sort things out? Whats different that means you are not coping like in the past? Is this a completely new experience, if not what happened last time? What options have been considered and why have they been ruled out? What would you like to do if you could do anything you wanted? Ultimately to help them think through what to do to start to make their situation better.
 
Remember although you are asking questions it is not for you to answer them. You might have opinions or think your own experiences are relevant - it can be helpful to share these but ask whether they want to hear them. Opinions can be really helpful if you know the person well enough however remember answers are only really answers when we find them for ourselves - to give or be given an answer is rarely the answer! The most important opinions and experiences are the persons own. 
 
If after having talked things through the other person is still really distressed ask what they would like to do now and what they want from you? If you are concerned tell them what you would like to do, if suicide has been talked about ask if they are still feeling suicidal. If it’s a yes then again talk about the options for getting more help. If at the end you are left feeling nervous about whether they will be alright then think about what you need. You might find it helpful to talk this through with someone.
 
If you have any questions about this or to book an appointment, please contact us on 020 8996 9551 or send an email to info@nicholas-rose.co.uk and we will get back to you.