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We are currently looking to invite counsellors and psychotherapists to join our team as Associates here in Chiswick. Associates are accredited / registered with either the BACP, UKCP or BPS. You will also have two years experience of working in private practice and hold your own insurance.

As an Associate you will join an established practice and team of like minded professionals with the opportunity to work with a wide range of presenting concerns.

Our ethos is to provide a base for therapists who want the opportunity to work with other therapists but practice independently. This means that patients / clients contract with you - not the practice.

We are particularly interested in therapists who can work with adolescents and couples.

For more information contact Nicholas on info@nicholas-rose.co.uk or telephone Nicholas on 07789488691.

 

Read all posts by Nicholas Rose Posted by: Nicholas Rose on January 27th, 2018 @ 10:58 AM
Tagged with: counselling jobs psychotherapy jobs

 
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Our latest article is published in the Chiswick Herald, please read below or click here.

On The Couch: Is Your Relationship In The Best Of Health?

“In relationships, believing that we understand our partners and that they understand us is the single biggest cause of trouble” says Chiswick based Couples Psychotherapist and Counsellor Nicholas Rose. In this article Nicholas explains how to keep your relationship in the best of health.

Understanding between partners’ comes from a desire for both security and vitally, safety – often closely associated with the idea of loving or being loved. If we feel understood, we are more likely to trust in our partner. Ultimately partners are the people most likely to be relied upon in an emergency and in emergencies nothing is more important than clear communication – it is nothing less than a need born out of a need for survival.

Potentially it all starts from birth – if understanding does not exist between us and our primary carers then we risk death – therefore the first thing a baby does is learn how to communicate with its primary care givers. How this is done depends upon what is learnt in the attempt to gain attention – is it more effective to be noisy or quiet, happy or sad, laugh or cry, well or sick, tidy or messy, dependent or independent, creative or practical - the list is endless. Therefore what we learn in the early days is the closest we come to have an approach to life and relationships that is “hardwired”. Simply put, we are good at doing or being in ways for which we have felt understood.

The implication is we need to challenge our assumption we understand and are understood around the most basic of concepts. For example, love. How love is expressed varies enormously across cultures, communities and families. Just ask your friends how love was shown to them as children and you are likely to get a wide variety of responses from food, fun, talking, not talking, sharing, giving, taking, education, discipline, fairness, holidays the list is endless. 

Another prime example is how people are looked after when sick. In some cultures it is common for everyone to visit sick friends and relatives, in others the patient is cared for by being protected from visitors. Neither is right or wrong but someone who is used to visitors when sick will feel neglected and uncared for if their partner tells everyone to keep away as they need rest!

As adults we acquire the ability to enter into relationships on equal terms. Fundamentally a shared language and status provides us with all we need to build and maintain healthy relationships and understanding. It sounds basic and the principle is, however the skills are something to be learnt and developed. Here are some basic rules:

1 Words like “love” are short cuts – use them at your peril. Instead never assume that the word means the same to you and your partner.

2 It requires commitment from both parties to develop an understanding. (At the extreme, the presence of physical or emotional abuse in a relationship suggests that the commitment does not exist).

3 If you feel hurt by something that your partner does or says then (as long as it is not physically or emotionally abusive) it is likely that your defences and theirs are revealing a conflict of understanding. Do not assume that the intention was to hurt you, instead say how you felt and ask if that was what had been intended. Remember relationships often breakdown due to the conversations that have not been had rather than those that have.

4 Never underestimate the possible impact of change, difficult times and stress. Anything that changes your routines or patterns can bring stress that triggers defences – at difficult times in life you might find it difficult to recognise each other. Look out for bereavements, fertility issues, children arriving and leaving, career changes, health challenges and traumatic events.

5 If you are struggling then do not hesitate to seek professional help. Many couples seek help when it is too late - when there is too much misunderstanding and hurt and not enough energy and commitment left in order to make the changes required.
 
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The latest edition of the Chiswick Herald includes this new article helping with the common concern people often have about how to talk and therefore help a friend or relative who is struggling with mental health concerns. Read it here:

How to talk to someone who is really struggling….
 
The Mental Health Charity Mind quotes research that 1 in 4 people in the UK will experience a mental health problem each year. So its no wonder that in working as a psychotherapist people often seek my advice when they are concerned about a friend or, family member. In response to this I always ask “Do you believe offering your time and attention will not be helpful - that you won’t be able to think together about a way forward?”
 
Often I hear the problems appear so big and complicated there is a sense of not being able to help and people can be feeling fearful that anything they might try to do and say could make things worse. It is natural to experience such a response because it is likely the person you are concerned about is thinking and feeling this way too. At this point many people become nervous that they are not equipped to help, particularly if words come up like suicidal, crazy, murderous, out of control, psychopathic or any of a whole range powerful words or the many psychiatric terms that are becoming so widely used nowadays. So it can be useful to recognise that actually you are already developing a good understanding of what is happening for them and that this means you are already able to help. 
 
These thoughts and feelings are most likely coming from a place of isolation, loneliness and desperation and the most effective way to start dealing with things is not to panic but to see if you have understood correctly. Do this by asking something like “I am wondering whether you are thinking the problems are too big and complicated, things can only get worse and you are feeling isolated, lonely and desperate?”
 
In doing this you will already be helping with the feelings of isolation and loneliness and your willingness to ask questions will already be challenging the feeling of desperation. Now start to consider whether either of you might be struggling to talk freely. One of the most frequently given reasons people give for choosing to talk to a therapist is they don’t need to worry about what impact sharing their problems will have on either the other person or that relationship. So if you think that the conversation isn’t flowing freely then ask. You can then both think about whether there is someone else who it would be easier to talk to. 
 
If you both decide to carry on talking then the next thing is to ask for as much information as possible. If suicide has been raised ask about it - “you have been thinking about suicide? what have you been thinking of doing? what has stopped you?” It is likely that the conversation will move onto the underlying problems but if not then maybe this is the time to talk to them about taking more immediate action. Again, Mind’s website suggests what action to take. 
 
Assuming you both feel it’s proving helpful to talk then you can think through together the basis of the concerns. Consider questions like what is going on? What if anything has changed? Why might the concern have become apparent now? What has been tried to sort things out? Whats different that means you are not coping like in the past? Is this a completely new experience, if not what happened last time? What options have been considered and why have they been ruled out? What would you like to do if you could do anything you wanted? Ultimately to help them think through what to do to start to make their situation better.
 
Remember although you are asking questions it is not for you to answer them. You might have opinions or think your own experiences are relevant - it can be helpful to share these but ask whether they want to hear them. Opinions can be really helpful if you know the person well enough however remember answers are only really answers when we find them for ourselves - to give or be given an answer is rarely the answer! The most important opinions and experiences are the persons own. 
 
If after having talked things through the other person is still really distressed ask what they would like to do now and what they want from you? If you are concerned tell them what you would like to do, if suicide has been talked about ask if they are still feeling suicidal. If it’s a yes then again talk about the options for getting more help. If at the end you are left feeling nervous about whether they will be alright then think about what you need. You might find it helpful to talk this through with someone.
 
If you have any questions about this or to book an appointment, please contact us on 020 8996 9551 or send an email to info@nicholas-rose.co.uk and we will get back to you.
 
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We are interested in finding counsellors and psychotherapists to join our team who are acccredited with the BACP and/or registered with the UKCP and have at least two years experience of working in private practice. Please contact Nicholas to discuss the opportunities further.

 

Read all posts by Nicholas Rose Posted by: Nicholas Rose on June 20th, 2014 @ 1:40 PM
Tagged with: counselling jobs psychotherapy jobs